like the roll of thunder

Today has been an angsty day, to say the least. I was angsty at work (to be fair the kids were being extra annoying) and I was angsty at even the smallest things. Which I probably shouldn’t. But of course, at the time nobody would be like “stop, wait a minute. Reply in a calm and collected tone.” Our emotions really take control of us, and sometimes we can’t help it. Maybe it’s a good thing, though. It means that we can feel intense emotions, and isn’t that inifinitely better than feeling nothing at all.

On a side note, Homo sapiens is getting really interesting, and I’m more and more fascinated with it everyday. Also, weirdly enough, my anger requires the music of Taylor Swift to jam to? I don’t even know man. Planning on watching perks tonight, and I do hope I follow through this time because it’s such a nice movie and I haven’t watched it in forever.

 

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Embarking.

So, yesterday I told myself that I needed to commit to writing something daily to make sure I don’t end up writing like a slob by the time my holidays are over (which is what happened after Os, by the way). So, here goes. My daily chronicles.

Today was a really early day, because I had work. I’m teaching 6 year olds gym, which is actually really fun if you take away the constant need to be raising your voice to make sure they pay attention/can hear you. Anyway, I was trying to be encouraging and giving them positive feedback, but I did realize that I had mentioned once or twice how “sitting up straight will make you look pretty” or “pointing your toes outwards is beautiful”. These are truly unintentional, because I do know that sentences like these leave a lasting impact. It shapes the very way you define beauty, and I really hope that they do not develop the gym way of viewing beauty because that notion is rather..damaging.

Anyway, moving on. I headed to Alexandra to meet Will and Nat for lunch (which is technically the last lunch I’ll ever share with him until next year at least, which kinda makes me a little sad.) They had their SATs before that and the terribly inefficient invigilators took a heapload of time to count the scripts so I waited for two hours. These people need to be sent back to kindergarten. It was doubly sad because the store I travelled all the way to Queensway for was closed so I was mostly bitter ha. But lunch was good, I was so full after! If I ever were to live in another country, I might be really bitter because that country would probably not have enough chili to go around)

After lunch, I went home to take a quick shower and to prepare for my siblings’ concert. I was emceeing for it, so we all went to the church together. To be honest, I really dread going to that orchestra. I don’t know whether it’s this insecurity, but it might be. Everytime I go there, I’m reminded of the talent in the room. And even more reminded of my lack thereof. Come on, there’s an eleven year od doing her diploma in violin. I know the book I’ve been reading tells me that ‘we’re celebrating her beauty’ and that “other people’s success is not your failure” but sometimes I guess its hard to not let it get to you. Sometimes, you ask yourself what you’re good at and come up empty. It happens. But I guess its good to keeping having the mindset that you are good at something. It may be hidden or insignificant, but you are good at something.

I guess today has been a really emotionally straining day. And an angsty one. But these days never last 🙂